You dig deeper and feel deeper your pain, your emotions feel more authentic and you feel that you liberate yourself from the chains of the past, the more you feel the hole in your heart and the more you shed heavy tears of loss and despair of a Cosmic journey.
Lifetimes of pain can be healed with a perfect symmetry and efficiency not known in the past when you are able to understand that what truly bothers you is not the chaos that you see in your outer world but the chaos of the seed of despair, betrayal and abandonment that was planted since the moment your own parents and other relatives could not be the perfect parents for you at all times. Maybe they even left you in one way or another since you were a very young innocent child.
The coldness grew in your soul and so you took off with your wings, and flew to unimaginable places seeking a place where you could establish your home. It might have happened that sometimes you found a soulmate, or many soulmates, who offered you a promise of love and a place that you could call Home.
It never happened that you could stay there, either they left you or you had to leave or you simply left the physical, because for one reason or the other you were not meant to stay. You faced battles, because you were offered such promise but the ones who taught you carried the same patterns of conflict within their very own DNA. The conflict of the parents who never loved enough, the brothers or sisters who were never fully there, the friends who left your side when you needed them the most, and the lover who turned a blind eye to you or who you lost to other forces.
You sought prosperity and a dignifying position in society only to find out that your masters and gods and politicians and institutions and bosses betrayed you because they did not reward you with the love that you felt that you deserved and there was no real recognition. You saw them fighting against each other and you learned their ways which mirrored the ways of the conflicts of each single family. Such is the chaos inherent to nature itself for nature is both orderly and chaotic. It changes, it learns and we all change and we all learn but we are all still confused because we forgot what we are looking for.
The fundamental problem for everyone was always the same: what we learn from nature itself, such as the lessons of survival of our ancestors and the fear of uncertainty or that we will never find what we are looking for. What we are lead to believe since we are children and the way we were treated since birth.
One day you feel vast like Cosmos itself, and that you can conquer the world with your love and your talents. You feel that you can change everything and do miracles and the most important quality is your feeling of adequacy and authenticity. Yet other times part of you feel like a Mr. Nobody or a Mrs. Nobody like everyone else, as if you were alienated from this world and not special at all for anyone. Maybe the feeling is not that dramatic but you have your worldly burdens and you feel so lost in the middle of the sea of struggling people who try so hard to find a loving position in such a large home.
So is your journey, as painful as it is for others, go back to the roots of all problems: your birth family, your parents, and then the rest follows. Take back your inner child and your wiser side that you call your Higher Self or your Greater Self and merge them in one heart for this is the true marriage, the true friendship, the true guidance that you most seek.
In meditation and devotion to your cause, seek that inner child that was misunderstood and neglected by the birth families in all timelines and let the Greater You hold that child and merge with your current you. One by own shed the layers of the past and understand why you attract the situations that you attract and the people and beings that you attract in physical and non-physical and connect the root patterns to all your stories.
Along the way you may recite to the world a corollary as such:
Forgive me for I knew not what I was looking for and you could not provide it for me, dear love. It was not your fault, and it was not my fault either, but it is up to me to find the flaw in my perception and my actions, and the rest is up to you.
Forgive me dear ancients for having joined you in your ideals and your promises of finding Home, when it was not you the ones who could provide it for me, and I left your side. It is up to me to recognize that you hold no such power over my destiny but I was not loyal to your beliefs and methods. It is up to you to fix your mistakes and recognize what you yourselves could not find in us and yourselves.
Forgive me Cosmos for despising you when I felt that you did not answer my call and my pledge to be rescued from my pain and my confusion. Please liberate me from your own indifference and spitefulness towards my being.
Forgive me dear Cosmos for not seeing that you provided solutions and your own loving ways and I could not take it with gratitude and a different attitude. It is up to you to see what I had to offer to you and all that love that I provided and that I felt was not taken or valued.